Just the other day, I came across a scrap of paper that brought back a whole flood of memories I had not missed. It was part of my wife's journal and it opened up a forgotten chapter in our lives. With her permission I will share an experience that we had that still affects us (unconsciously) today. Some names have been changed but this is a true account. I will start with the page that brought it all back...
"...In the beginning, when we moved into [that town] and went to [that church], I must confess I was miserable. I was depressed, isolated, and felt inadequate for the task of parenting AND being a minister's wife. I thought I had to "fill the role" in order to be accepted.
"...Near the end our ministry at [that church], my fear of "Sally" having Daniel at times became insidious... When I read God's Word about calling forth the corrupt, all I can think about is her. Then I think of God's grace for her and that I did not have it... Deep down I feel inadequate anyway.
"I don't want a full-blown affair", she said... I often thought how could she do this to me? How can she act this way?
"I must have believed she had some power over me; some good quality that I did not because I saw in them a man and a woman connecting. I saw her enjoy him a whole lot more than me.
At one point I was willing to let him go and have her. It almost would have been a release for me..."
So there you have it. My wife's thoughts on the subject at the beginning and end of four years of fruitful (and sometimes fruitless) service to the Lord in a church we were called to. The rest of our story is forthcoming.
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